When you smile at me @&!#%*!!!!!!

I have fallen in love with a boy. The other day he asked me what I thought love was. I got all choked up. Because up until a few days prior I did not have a clue. But I tried to say something like this: I have been the exact same person with every dude I have claimed to love. A mostly bitter, one foot out the door kind of chick. Always thinking about someplace else. Or someone else. I was always thinking WOW THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS....... I begged the sky to show me.... and things did not feel ok for a very long time. This time though, God fucking damn, it really hit me hard man. It knocked me on my ass. It knocks me on my ass every time I fucking look at him. I have crumbled to my very foundation! I can't speak and I can't think. I can't wake up without you dancing around my head. I want you so bad every damn second. I could puke..... I am sick with love and I do not know how it happened. It's deathly- but I do not feel bitter anymore. I feel here. I feel like a person. A human. Grounded. Happy. He loves the things that I hate about myself- with that I learn to love myself too, properly. And I will love you, sir, for as long as I can. Without fear.